“Houses don’t kill people. People kill people.” That’s as deep as this 2005 version of “The Amityville Horror” gets. But then again, I don’t know a single person who goes to an American horror movie and expects deep, philosophical entertainment. Studios understand that and anything that’s even slightly intellectual is yanked out of the horror genre and labeled a thriller. And this isn’t a thriller by any stretch of the imagination. This new, reworked, revamped “Amityville Horror” is a full-on horror flick with character development taking a back seat to ghosts and other things that go bump in the night (at 3:15am to be exact).

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John Quincy Archibald’s son Michael collapses while playing baseball as a result of heart failure. John rushes Michael to a hospital emergency room where he is informed that Michael’s only hope is a transplant. Unfortunately, John’s insurance won’t cover his son’s transplant. Out of options, John Q. takes the emergency room staff and patients hostage until hospital doctors agree to do the transplant. Written by Anonymous

Nicholas Van Orton is a very wealthy San Francisco banker, but he is an absolute loner, even spending his birthday alone. In the year of his 48th birthday (the age his father committed suicide) his brother Conrad, who has gone long ago and surrendered to addictions of all kinds, suddenly returns and gives Nicholas a card giving him entry to unusual entertainment provided by something called Consumer Recreation Services (CRS). Giving up to curiosity, Nicholas visits CRS and all kinds of weird and bad things start to happen to him. Written by Anonymous