Will Seth Green hook up with a hairy-legged tree hugger? Will Matthew Lillard come to his senses and figure out he’s in what might be the best relationship of his life? Are either of these questions really important? No. Nothing much matters other than going for as many gross-out laughs as possible in “Without a Paddle,” a weird buddy road trip comedy that has a definite “Deliverance” quality to it.

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An Arabian sailor named Sinbad is on a quest to find the magical legendary Book of Peace, a mysterious artifact that Eris, the Greek wicked goddess of chaos, has ultimately framed him for stealing! If he fails on this quest, his childhood friend Prince Proteus of Syracuse will take Sindbad’s death penalty, while Eris gains a desired foothold of power in the world of mortals. Written by Anthony Pereyra (hypersonic91yahoo.com)

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I’ve heard people refer to “The Notebook” as cheesy, as a ‘chick flick’ (a label very few of my colleagues can stand because of its negative connotation), as predictable and sappy. So “The Notebook” doesn’t exactly take a brain surgeon to guess how the story is going to play out. And it does unapologetically play on your emotions, practically begging you to squeeze out a few tears. But here’s why I enjoyed “The Notebook”: it’s a movie you can relax and let flow over you. It’s also one of the few films out there that tells a complete story. There’s a well-defined beginning, middle, and end.

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Angelo “Snaps” Provolone made his dying father a promise on his deathbed: he would leave the world of crime and become an honest businessman. Despite having no experience in making money in a legal fashion, Snaps sets about to keep his promise. He is faced with numerous problems: henchmen who know nothing but crime, the police who are convinced he is hatching a master plan, and Oscar, who has just got his daughter pregnant. Written by Murray Chapman {muzzle@cs.uq.oz.au}

Nearly 10 years have passed since Sarah Connor was targeted for termination by a cyborg from the future. Now her son, John, the future leader of the resistance, is the target for a newer, more deadly terminator. Once again, the resistance has managed to send a protector back to attempt to save John and his mother Sarah. Written by Colin Tinto {cst@imdb.com}

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Frank Martin is the best in the business. The ex-Special Forces operative hires himself out as a mercenary “transporter” who moves goods–human or otherwise. Very simple, he delivers, no questions asked. Frank has relocated from the French Mediterranean to Miami, Florida, where as a favor to a friend, Frank is driving for the wealthy Billings family. There’s very little that can surprise The Transporter, but young Jack Billings has done just that; Frank has unexpectedly bonded with Jack, age 6, who he drives to and from school. But when Jack is kidnapped, Frank must use his battle-tested combat skills to retrieve the boy and thwart the kidnappers’ master plan to release a virus that will kill anyone with whom it comes in contact. Written by Anthony Pereyra {hypersonic91@yahoo.com}

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A movie about Electronic Voice Phenomena? It sounds interesting enough. Voices from beyond the grave come through on TV sets or radios tuned to stations that aren’t broadcasting. We’re talking about what could be some very spooky stuff here. Unfortunately, everything “White Noise” dishes out we’ve seen before. And in most cases, we’ve seen it done much, much better.

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Beginning in the 1930’s, “The English Patient” tells the story of Count Almasy who is a Hungarian map maker employed by the Royal Geographical Society to chart the vast expanses of the Sahara Desert along with several other prominent explorers. As World War II unfolds, Almasy enters into a world of love, betrayal, and politics that is later revealed in a series of flashbacks while Almasy is on his death bed after being horribly burned in a plane crash. Written by Anthony Hughes {husnock31@hotmail.com}

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The only survivor of the Nostromo, Ripley is discovered in deep sleep half a century later by a salvage ship. When she is taken back to Earth, she learns that a human colony was founded on the same planet where the aliens were first found. After contact with the colony is lost, she finds herself sent back to the planet along with a team of warriors bent on destroying the alien menace forever, and saving any survivors — if any remain. Written by Graeme Roy {gsr@cbmamiga.demon.co.uk}

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