Pick your own tagline for this one. My suggestions: “Beyond Boredom” or “Beyond Belief” or “Why Isn’t There Anything Entertaining About This Movie?” or “Clive Owen is Great But…” or “A Love Story Without Chemistry.” I could go on and on.

What starts out with an interesting premise quickly deteriorates into a cockeyed political statement. If you support the humanitarian work prominently featured in “Beyond Borders,” you’ll be disappointed in how Hollywood has taken an important program and screwed around with its basic mission statement.

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Can a risk-averse insurance salesman on the rebound from his bride’s infidelity (during their honeymoon) find happiness with a waitress he knew in junior high who’s averse to commitment? Reuben is a sweet klutz who’s ready to settle down but sees in her a chance to recover from disappointment and have some fun; Polly is a sweet itinerant, not ready to settle down but sees a chance to spend time with a nice guy who likes her. What will he do when his bride comes crawling back? What will Polly do, when he runs the numbers and thinks she’s a good risk? Sub-plots involve his self-centered pal, who’s a has-been actor, and an assignment to assess the insurability of a balls-out Aussie. Written by {jhailey@hotmail.com}

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Michael J. “Crocodile” Dundee is an Australian crocodile hunter who lives in the Australian outback and runs a safari business with his trusted friend and mentor Walter Reilly. After surviving a crocodile attack, a New York journalist named Sue arrives to interview Mick about how he survived and learns more about the crocodile hunter. After saving Sue from a crocodile, Sue invites Mick to visit New York City, since Mick has never been to a city. Mick finds the culture and life in New York City a lot different than his home and he finds himself falling in love with Sue. Written by Daniel Williamson

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I hate critics who include “I hate to admit this” as part of their reviews, but unfortunately I must join their ranks. Maybe I’ve used the line before and blocked it from my memory. If so, then I apologize. I watched the “Eurotrip” trailer, said ‘whatever,’ and went to the movie expecting a gross-out, raunchy teen-ish ‘R’-rated comedy with a few actual jokes that hit their marks surrounded by needless shots of naked female bodies. That’s what I expected but it’s not what “Eurotrip” delivered.

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The twisted vision of suburbia circa 1988 that is “Donnie Darko” made quite an impact at the 2001 Sundance Film Festival, becoming one of the Festival’s most talked about films.

“Donnie Darko” is an extraordinary look at one teenager as he attempts to come to grips with the theory of time travel, the search for answers to the existence of God, and the secret knowledge the world will soon end, while battling an assortment of hallucinations and delusions. The film’s a dark coming-of-age tale told by way of a provocative script, and superbly acted out by Jake Gyllenhaal and a highly recognizable cast of supporting players. It’s strange and twisted, yet charming, thought provoking and highly original.

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“Bewitched” is a TV-show-turned-into-a-movie hybrid. It’s not a remake of the show itself; it’s a movie about remaking the classic TV show, focusing on the behind-the-scenes antics of the actors cast to fill the roles of Samantha and Darrin from the original “Bewitched” TV series. Does that sound confusing? It’s actually not, though my explanation may well be.

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Elliot Richardson, suicidal techno geek, is given seven wishes to turn his life around when he meets up with a very seductive Satan. The catch: his soul. Some of his wishes include a 7 foot basketball star, a rock star, and a hamburger. But, as could be expected, the Devil must put her own little twist on each his fantasies. Written by MrGreen

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Heavy sigh as I ponder where to start. Okay, this is it: taken separately, Chris Rock and Bernie Mac are two terrifically funny actors. But put them together and there’s not much funny going on. They seem to have stepped through some comedy-sucking portal, leaving the resulting product of their collaboration - “Head of State” - empty, lifeless and flat.

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John Holmes (Val Kilmer) was a legend of the porn industry and revered in circles as a stud. But in 1981, years after his successful career and star fading, Holmes was a desperate man with his own internal demons to live up to. He’s estranged from his wife (Lisa Kudrow), holding onto a relationship with his teenage mistress (Kate Bosworth), and living as a junkie in search of his next fix. But one fateful night left four people dead and John as a key suspect in one of the most grisly murders in Los Angeles. Was he partly responsible for what happened at Wonderland Avenue? Written by monkeykingma

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David Aames takes all he has for granted; his wealth, his inherited publishing company, his good looks - his relationships. Especially his relationships. It catches up to him when a friend/sometimes sex-partner can’t see their relationship the way he sees it. From that point, the movie takes a Lynchian twist that ultimately and literally pulls us into Aames’ tortured psyche. Written by Andrew Hope {sputnik67@qwest.net}

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