I hate critics who include “I hate to admit this” as part of their reviews, but unfortunately I must join their ranks. Maybe I’ve used the line before and blocked it from my memory. If so, then I apologize. I watched the “Eurotrip” trailer, said ‘whatever,’ and went to the movie expecting a gross-out, raunchy teen-ish ‘R’-rated comedy with a few actual jokes that hit their marks surrounded by needless shots of naked female bodies. That’s what I expected but it’s not what “Eurotrip” delivered.

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Recently widowed well-to-do Laura Henderson is at a bit of a loose end in inter-war London. On a whim she buys the derelict Windmill theatre in the West End and persuades impresario Vivian Van Damm to run it, despite the fact the two don’t seem to get on at all. Although their idea of a non-stop revue is at first a success, other theatres copy it and disaster looms. Laura suggests they put nudes in the show, but Van Damm points out that the Lord Chamberlain, who licenses live shows in Britain, is likely to have something to say about this. Luckily Mrs Henderson is friends with him. Written by Jeremy Perkins {jwp@aber.ac.uk}

I bet the filmmakers would love to have a dollar for every time someone compares this movie to “My Big Fat Greek Wedding.” Their coffers would be greatly enriched, as comparisons to Nia Vardalos‘ “Greek Wedding” are inevitable. As I left the screening, the majority of the audience rumblings had to do with renaming the film. I heard “My Big Fat Indian Wedding” and “My Big Fat Soccer Movie” kicked around the most frequently, proving that comparisons to last year’s indie-film-that-could will undoubtedly be made.

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Jack Elgin is the European editor of The Economist, which is based in London, England. Jack has a wife named Maria and three kids named Joanne, Julia, and Andrew. Jack subtly changes the family vacation from a lazy week of Mediterranean fun and sun in Corfu, Greece, to a tour of India, because of a story he has to cover. Maria is not as impressed by this as the kids are. Jack himself envisioned a chance to simultaneously work an easy reporting assignment and spend a little quality time with his family. But on the way to India, the airplane, a 747 owned by AM Air, an American airline, makes an unscheduled stopover in Limassol Cyprus, because of a mechanical problem. After a while of waiting inside the Limassol airport, everyone gets back on the plane — which is then hijacked by a group of terrorists known as the August 15th Movement, led by a Serbian man named Ivanic Loyvek and his right-hand man Karadan Maldic. And they are demanding $50,000,000 from the US State Department in one hour, or everyone on the airplane will die. The demand is met, and Loyvek and Maldic start releasing the women and children, with the men to go last. But as soon as a front passenger door is opened, a local police team gunning for the terrorists opens fire. The flight attendants frantically open the rest of the airplane’s doors and start getting passengers out, but the terrorists start killing passengers, leading to an explosion. Maria, Joanne, and Julia get out of the airplane, and then Jack, holding Andrew, gets out — only to watch Maria, Joanne, and Julia get shot by the terrorists. Jack tries to hide Andrew’s face so he can’t see it. Maria and Joanne are dead, and Julia is still alive — but Julia burns to death while crying for help. Jack and Andrew survive. In all, a total of 15 passengers die, and Loyvek and Maldic, the surviving terrorists, escape, knowing that they now have the $50,000,000. The hijacking would never have ended this way if the police team had waited until after the passengers were released from the airplane before getting trigger happy. Back in London, an absolutely devastated Jack is told that the terrorists were captured, but they were released and deported secretly, with no charges and no arrest, the result of some awfully compromised politics. Jack is understandably enraged that Loyvek and Maldic got off scot-free. While helping Andrew cope, Jack tries all the legal ways to ensure justice for his family, but to no avail. Jack even pays a visit to Henry Davidson, a CIA agent who works at the American Embassy in London. Davidson tells Jack that there’s little that can be done. Obviously, the American and British governments are completely impotent when it comes to going after Loyvek and Maldic, so Jack has absolutely no choice in the matter. He must do it himself. With the help of his ex-intelligence operative friend Kate Stockton, who is well-schooled in the finer points of international intelligence, Jack becomes a one-man anti-terrorist squadron, searching for Loyvek and Maldich. Dogging Jack’s trail is FBI agent Jules Bernard, who’s cooperating with Scotland Yard on anti-terrorist activities, and who suspects that Jack is the man who has been killing anyone involved in the hijacking. But as it turns out, Jules is on Jack’s side, and he’s willing to help Jack make those responsible pay for the deaths of his family and the other people who died in Cyprus. Written by Todd Baldridge

Romantic comedy set in London in the late 16th century: Young playwright William Shakespeare struggles with his latest work “Romeo and Ethel the Pirate’s Daughter”. A great fan of Shakespeare’s plays is young, wealthy Viola who is about to be married to the cold-hearted Lord Wessex, but constantly dreams of becoming an actress. Women were not allowed to act on stage at that time (female roles were played by men, too), but dressed up as a boy, Viola successfully auditions for the part of Romeo. Soon she and William are caught in a forbidden romance that provides rich inspiration for his play. Written by Armin Ortmann {armin@sfb288.math.tu-berlin.de}

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The Earth’s core has stop spinning. Disasters are appearing all over the world. Birds acting crazy, powerful thunderstorms, 32 people died at the second. Dr. Josh Keyes and his crew of five (total members: 6) goes down to the central of the Earth and drop a nuclear bomb to make the Earth’s core spin again or Mankind will perish… Written by Inhotenjoys

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Daphne, a seventeen-year-old girl from New York goes to England in search of her father, who does not know he had a child with an American girlfriend he met while working in Morocco, and whose aristocratic family did not approve of the woman. Written by Anonymous

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Rowan plays the eponymous lead character in a spoof spy thriller. During the course of the story we follow our hero as he attempts to single-handedly save the country from falling into the hands of a despot. Written by Alistair Knight

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Sexy American diamonds lover Wanda and her boyfriend Otto are in England to plot alongside George and Ken the robbery of a diamond collection. Wanda and Otto want the stolen diamonds for themselves, and inform the police about George not knowing that he has already moved the diamonds to another secret place. Wanda thinks the best way to find out is by getting close to George’s lawyer - Archie Leach. Written by Sami Al-Taher {staher2000@yahoo.com}

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William Wallace is a Scottish rebel who leads an uprising against the cruel English ruler Edward the Longshanks, who wishes to inherit the crown of Scotland for himself. When he was a young boy, William Wallace’s father and brother, along with many others, lost their lives trying to free Scotland. Once he loses another of his loved ones, William Wallace begins his long quest to make Scotland free once and for all, along with the assistance of Robert the Bruce. Written by David Landers {dml@gwis.com}

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