Zed has only just arrived in the beautiful Paris and already he’s up to no good. Having just slept with a call girl, he spends a night on the town with his dangerous friends. They all decide to rob a bank the following day. There’s only one problem: Zed’s call-girl, Zoe, just happens to work at the bank which is to be robbed! Written by Michael Feller {reb@magna.com.au}

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When rich M. Ballon’s spanish driver is found shot dead, Inspector Jacques Clouseau is the first official on the scene. All evidence suggests Maria Gambrelli, the maid, to be the murderer. But Clouseau, being attracted to the beautiful girl, is convinced that she is hiding something. So, he has her released from jail and tries to follow her secretly. Things do not work out the way the inspector wanted and people keep being murdered, and each time innocent Maria seems to be the killer. But with someone important wanting Clouseau and nobody else to cover this case, his tolerance-challenged boss Charles Dreyfuss is close to losing his mind when casualties keep turning up. And Clouseau keeps on causing trouble without knowing it… Written by Julian Reischl {julianreischl@mac.com}

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I hate critics who include “I hate to admit this” as part of their reviews, but unfortunately I must join their ranks. Maybe I’ve used the line before and blocked it from my memory. If so, then I apologize. I watched the “Eurotrip” trailer, said ‘whatever,’ and went to the movie expecting a gross-out, raunchy teen-ish ‘R’-rated comedy with a few actual jokes that hit their marks surrounded by needless shots of naked female bodies. That’s what I expected but it’s not what “Eurotrip” delivered.

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Recently widowed well-to-do Laura Henderson is at a bit of a loose end in inter-war London. On a whim she buys the derelict Windmill theatre in the West End and persuades impresario Vivian Van Damm to run it, despite the fact the two don’t seem to get on at all. Although their idea of a non-stop revue is at first a success, other theatres copy it and disaster looms. Laura suggests they put nudes in the show, but Van Damm points out that the Lord Chamberlain, who licenses live shows in Britain, is likely to have something to say about this. Luckily Mrs Henderson is friends with him. Written by Jeremy Perkins {jwp@aber.ac.uk}

When two American brothers, Graham and Allen Granville, learn that they have inherited a chateau in France, they cannot believe their luck. However, when they arrive, the brothers find themselves completely ill-equipped to communicate with the chateau’s staff (even with the help of a pocket dictionary). With no hope of paying off the chateau’s enormous debt, the pair are forced to sell the chateau, leaving a bewildered staff resorting to desperate and hilarious measures to keep their home. Through a series of comedic misunderstandings, the film’s stars not only uncover they’re not as distant from the staff as they might think, they also discover something about the importance of family. Written by ifp/west

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Rowan plays the eponymous lead character in a spoof spy thriller. During the course of the story we follow our hero as he attempts to single-handedly save the country from falling into the hands of a despot. Written by Alistair Knight

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The big question is, who is this movie’s target audience? “Valiant” doesn’t have the double entendres adults get a kick out of in animated movies. It’s not funny enough and it doesn’t feature enough goofball characters for little kids, and teens won’t find much to connect with in a movie about carrier pigeons set during World War II. Maybe the studio is aiming for the senior crowd. I just really don’t know who is going to be interested in watching a semi-serious animated bird movie.

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In World War II Casablanca, Rick Blaine, exiled American and former freedom fighter, runs the most popular nightspot in town. The cynical lone wolf Blaine comes into the possession of two valuable letters of transit. When Nazi Major Strasser arrives in Casablanca, the sycophantic police Captain Renault does what he can to please him, including detaining Czech underground leader Victor Laszlo. Much to Rick’s surprise, Lazslo arrives with Ilsa, Rick’s one time love. Rick is very bitter towards Ilsa, who ran out on him in Paris, but when he learns she had good reason to, they plan to run off together again using the letters of transit. Well, that was their original plan…. Written by Gary Jackson {garyjack5@cogeco.ca}

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It hadn’t even been a year since a plantation owner named Louis had lost his brother, and now he had lost his will to live. A vampire named Lestat takes a liking to Louis and offers him the chance to become a creature of the night: a vampire. Louis accepts, and Lestat drains Louis’ mortal blood and then replaces it with his own turning Louis into a vampire. Louis must learn from Lestat the ways of the vampire. Written by {VincentVga@aol.com}

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Set in France around 1760-1770. The Marquise de Merteuil needs a favour from her ex-lover, Vicomte de Valmont. One Marquise de Merteuil’s ex-lover, Gercourt, is planning on marrying a young, virtuos, woman called Cecile de Volanges. The Marquise would like Valmont to seduce Cecile before her wedding day. Meanwhile Valmont has a conquest of his own in mind, Madame de Tourvel, a beautiful, married, and God fearing woman. The Marquise doesn’t think that Valmont can do it, she tells him that if he can provide written proof of a sexual encounter with Madame de Tourvel, that she will offer him a reward, one last night with her. But Valmont will find himself falling in love with Mrs. de Tourvel, embrasing the deadly jealousy of the marquise de Merteuil. Written by {bennettc@kwanza.com}

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