I find it really strange anyone would watch “The Punisher” and come out upset about the film’s violence. Come on. Did anyone seriously believe a movie called “The Punisher” would be about kitty cats and dandelions? Watch the trailer or pick up the comic book the movie’s based on and it’s readily apparent this isn’t your average ‘fun’ comic book subject. Speaking of comic books, it’s time to issue my disclaimer: Yada, yada, yada, I don’t know anything about comic books, yada, yada, yada, don’t expect this review to compare and contrast the source material to the movie, and so on. From what I gather from my limited research into the realm of comics, “The Punisher” in comic book form is a dark tale, as is the movie.

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The Fast & The Furious is loosely based on an article in a magazine about street clubs that race Japanese cars late at night. The film stars Vin Diesel as Domenic Toretto, the leader of a street gang that is under suspicion of stealing expensive electronic equipment. Paul Walker plays an undercover police officer that attempts to find out who exactly is stealing the equipment, while falling for Domenic’s younger sister played by Jordana Brewster. Written by Turkus3

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Professional daredevil and white-suited hero, The Great Leslie, convinces turn-of-the-century auto makers that a race from New York to Paris (westward across America, the Bering Straight and Russia) will help to promote automobile sales. Leslie’s arch-rival, the mustached and black-attired Professor Fate vows to beat Leslie to the finish line in a car of Fate’s own invention. The Blake Edwards style of slapstick and song originated with this movie. A dedication to Laurel and Hardy appears at the beginning of the film. Edwards’ tribute to Stan and Ollie can be seen most clearly in the interaction between Professor Fate and his cohort Max, as well as in the operatic Pottsdorf pie fight. Written by Jeanne Baker {jbaker@erim.org}

“Underworld” starts off slow, speeds up when the action sequences kick in, then it gets itself totally mired down in the La Brea Tar Pit of Incomprehensible Plotlines. Unfortunately even the most spectacular looking and beautifully choreographed fight sequences cannot overcome the convoluted story.

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John Holmes (Val Kilmer) was a legend of the porn industry and revered in circles as a stud. But in 1981, years after his successful career and star fading, Holmes was a desperate man with his own internal demons to live up to. He’s estranged from his wife (Lisa Kudrow), holding onto a relationship with his teenage mistress (Kate Bosworth), and living as a junkie in search of his next fix. But one fateful night left four people dead and John as a key suspect in one of the most grisly murders in Los Angeles. Was he partly responsible for what happened at Wonderland Avenue? Written by monkeykingma

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The story revolves around a dying father and his son, who is trying to learn more about his dad by piecing together the stories he has gathered over the years. The son winds up re-creating his father’s elusive life in a series of legends and myths inspired by the few facts he knows. Through these tales, the son begins to understand his father’s great feats and his great failings. Written by Anonymous

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John McClane is now almost a full-blown alcoholic and is suspended from the NYPD. But when a bomb goes off in the Bonwit Teller Department Store the police go insane trying to figure out what’s going on. Soon, a man named Simon calls and asks for McClane. Simon tells Inspector Walter Cobb that McClane is going to play a game called “Simon Says“. He says that McClane is going to do the tasks he assigns him. If not, he’ll blow off another bomb. With the help of a Harlem electrician, John McClane must race all over New York trying to figure out the frustrating puzzles that the crafty terrorist gives him. But when a bomb goes off in a subway station right by the Federal Reserve (the biggest gold storage in the world) things start to get heated up. Written by SARSman1793

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Since a road accident left him with serious facial and bodily scarring, a former TV scientist has become obsessed by the marriage of motor-car technology with what he sees as the raw sexuality of car-crash victims. The scientist, along with a crash victim he has recently befriended, sets about performing a series of sexual acts in a variety of motor vehicles, either with other crash victims or with prostitutes whom they contort into the shape of trapped corpses. Ultimately, the scientist craves a suicidal union of blood, semen, and engine coolant, a union with which he becomes dangerously obsessed. Written by Matt A. Knapp {mak8@le.ac.uk}

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I’m sure there are comic book fans out there who will cringe while reading this review. For that, I apologize now and suggest that you read no further. If you’ve read my reviews of “The Hulk” or “X2” then you’re probably aware of the fact that I don’t read comic books. Nothing personal, they’ve just never drawn my interest. In fact, my knowledge of comic books is so limited that I didn’t know – prior to reading all the production notes – that “The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen” was even based on a comic. So if you’re looking for a review that compares the two media, I’m going to gently suggest looking elsewhere. Go now before it’s too late. Gentle enough?

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When Pete (Eldard), one of five friends who share an Iowa house, invites Zack (Paxton), a man who gave him a lift home in for supper, the night turns suddenly sour when Zack irrationally attacks Pete, but is killed by the other friends. After this episode, the friends suggest that, having ridden the world of one bad person, they should continue to do the same thing every Sunday night at supper. Written by Jonathan Broxton {j.w.broxton@sheffield.ac.uk}

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