Joe Young was a simple young man trying to spread the word of the Book of Mormon when he picked the wrong house to preach at! The owner, a porn director named Maxxx Orbison, tells his henchmen to kill the guy at the door who interrupted their scene, but Joe fights off the guards with great skill, which impresses Maxxx so much that he offers Joe the lead role in the movie he’s making at the moment: Orgazmo, which is about a sex superhero who fights crime with his Orgazmorator and ChodaBoy, his sidekick. Joe, against his beliefs, takes the job so that he can pay for the wedding he plans for he and his fiancee, who he doesn’t tell about his risque new acting job. However, when the movie becomes an amazing hit just about everywhere and he finds out that Ben (ChodaBoy) has created a real Orgazmorator, Joe is in some serious hot water! Written by Danii

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In a cyberpunk vision of the future, man has developed the technology to create replicants, human clones used to serve in the colonies outside Earth but with fixed lifespans. In Los Angeles, 2019, Deckard is a Blade Runner, a cop who specialises in terminating replicants. Originally in retirement, he is forced to re-enter the force when six replicants escape from an offworld colony to Earth. Written by Graeme Roy {gsr@cbmamiga.demon.co.uk}

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If asked to sum up “The Ice Harvest” in just one word it would have to be ‘pointless’. Of course if all I was asked to give was a simple one-word summary, there would be no reason to write a full-length review. So to pad out the ‘pointless’ description, I’m adding mean-spirited, nonsensical, and a waste of time and talent.

There’s absolutely nothing appealing about “The Ice Harvest.” I realize this is a movie about a couple of bad apples surrounded by a basket-load of rotten fruit, however at the core of “The Ice Harvest” is a blackened pit that’s sure to leave an ugly aftertaste in your mouth. (Sometimes these descriptions just pop into my head and they won’t leaf…er, leave.)

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“Exorcist: The Beginning” has a firm grip on the title ‘Worst Movie of 2004.’ And it’s in strong contention for Worst Movie of the Decade, a title currently held on my list by “Gigli.” “The Beginning” is a disjointed, unintelligible mess that’s a very poor relation to the classic “The Exorcist.”

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Between “X2,” “Spider-Man 2,” and “Batman Begins” I was almost convinced that I’m a closet comic book movie fan. Then “Fantastic Four” came along and knocked some sense into me.

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When detective Eric Matthews (Donnie Wahlberg) is called to a crime scene of a victim of Jigsaw (Tobin Bell), he finds a lead to the place where he is hidden. Once there, he realizes that Jigsaw trapped his son Daniel Matthews (Erik Knudsen) with three women and four men in a shelter, and they are inhaling a lethal nerve gas. If they do not use an antidote within two hours, they will die. Eric follows with increasing desperation the death of each member of the group in monitors, while trying to convince Jigsaw to release his son. Written by Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

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