The best thing I can say about “Timeline” is that it’s filled with some of the finest male eye candy on screen (only adding Colin Farrell or Ewan McGregor would have topped the team of Gerard Butler and Paul Walker). Now that’s not to put down the acting ability of Butler or even Walker, it just speaks to the truth of the matter: without something pleasant to look at, I would have lost interest in “Timeline” before the end of the first hour. As it was, Butler and Walker provided enough testosterone to at least keep me from completely tuning out of this sadly unfulfilling screen adaptation of Michael Crichton’s bestseller.

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Peaceful, rustic Berkeley is a charming fishing community where life is sweet and the people friendly. All that is about to change. After losing her childhood farm to the bank, local beauty Rene decides to leave town and head for the big city. Suddenly, an avalanche of meteorites races through the sky, bombarding the town and bringing an otherworldly infection. Departing is going to be much more difficult than she had planned. The living dead are awakened and Rene is now caught in a nightmare of zombies hungry for human flesh. She manages to find salvation in a small isolated farm house owned by the town loony, Marion. There she is met with four other desperate survivors. Together they battle their way through a plague of walking dead and discover that there is more transpiring than just an infection. Written by Cropduster35

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After Frances’s seemingly happy San Francisco marriage ends abruptly, she goes into a funk. Urged by her friends to move on, she joins a bus tour of Tuscany where, on the spur of the moment, she buys a crumbling villa. She assembles a crew of oddballs and immigrants to repair the house; over the next year, as they work, she welcomes one of her New York friends who’s pregnant and at loose ends, and she seeks love, first (tenuously) with her married real estate agent, then with a charming stranger. Although life gets in the way of love, Frances’s wishes come true in unexpected ways, and there’s always the Tuscan sun. Written by {jhailey@hotmail.com}

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“Underworld” starts off slow, speeds up when the action sequences kick in, then it gets itself totally mired down in the La Brea Tar Pit of Incomprehensible Plotlines. Unfortunately even the most spectacular looking and beautifully choreographed fight sequences cannot overcome the convoluted story.

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Molly Gunn (Murphy), the freewheeling daughter of a deceased rock legend, is forced to get a job when her manager steals her money. As nanny for precocious Ray (Fanning), the oft ignored daughter of a music executive (Locklear) she learns what it means to be an adult while teaching Ray how to be a child. Written by Lindsey

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A comedy centering around Donna, a young woman from meager beginnings, who has high hopes for the future and dreams of living the glamorous life. Donna dreams of becoming a first class international flight attendant, and is willing to do whatever it takes to ensure that her dreams come true. The road to success though, is rarely a smooth flight, and as she begins her trip she encounters more turbulence than even she bargained for. But the real question is whether her bumpy start will force her to leave her real dreams behind, or if it will take her on a journey of a lifetime. Written by Sujit R. Varma

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Daphne, a seventeen-year-old girl from New York goes to England in search of her father, who does not know he had a child with an American girlfriend he met while working in Morocco, and whose aristocratic family did not approve of the woman. Written by Anonymous

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Harish Kumar Patel lives with his mom and dad in Bhimnagar, Gujerat, India, where he is studying Electronic Engineering. His dad, Satish Kumar, wants him to re-locate to the U.S., live with the Bakshis, study, and marry the girl of his choice. Harish must first go through the blessings of an Astrologer, Bholey Shankar Maharaj, who blesses him, informs him that he will meet a girl whose name will start with “P”, who he will marry. An overly excited Harish travels all the way to Houston, Texas, U.S. where he is met fondly by the Bakshi family, consisting of Mrs. and Dr. Bakshi, Mohan, and Deepu. In keeping with the fear and paranoia after the September 11 attacks, Mrs. Bakshi has made it a practice to place American flags in the front pockets of her sons, and she does it now for Harish as well. Mohan is around Harish’s age and shows him around the campus. Harish meets with a beautiful Malyalee girl, Priya, and falls in love with her. But things do not go as planned when Harish finds out that Mohan actually is a snob, who hates F.O.Bs. (Fresh off the Boat) Indians like him; the girl Priya is actually in love with another young man by the name of Raju, and her name’s not Priya - it’s Supriya; and due to Harish’s accent, oily hair, & c. he is not being invited to the party where everybody else is invited. Looks like Harish is headed for more pitfalls than he had bargained for, and it also looks like the Maharaj may have been wrong after all. Written by rAjOo (gunwanti@hotmail.com)

John Holmes (Val Kilmer) was a legend of the porn industry and revered in circles as a stud. But in 1981, years after his successful career and star fading, Holmes was a desperate man with his own internal demons to live up to. He’s estranged from his wife (Lisa Kudrow), holding onto a relationship with his teenage mistress (Kate Bosworth), and living as a junkie in search of his next fix. But one fateful night left four people dead and John as a key suspect in one of the most grisly murders in Los Angeles. Was he partly responsible for what happened at Wonderland Avenue? Written by monkeykingma

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The movie is based on a children’s series by the same name. Meg and Charles Wallace are aided by Calvin and 3 interesting women, Mrs. Which, Mrs. Whatsit, and Mrs. Who in the search for their father who disappeared during an experiment he was working on for the government. Their travels take them around the universe to a place unlike any other. They must learn to trust each other and to understand that everyone is different. Written by Mandy Heuer

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